Der Wendy James Band

 

I am a man with opinions that nail me to the pinboard like a Gecko trying to eat potato chips. I see that the Wendy James Band are coming soon to my new home town of Leicester, so in an effort to meet my contractual requirement to achieve relevance I seek to find their songs and review them.

My opinions tell me many things. I reviewed their 39s "Introducing the Band" video on YouTube. It contains no songs and yet it is instructive.

In the first instance, any band-leader that feels the need to introduce its members is cock-struck-idiot-nutjob. It implies either that the person introducing is famous and the rest are nobodies (which may be true in this case) or that they think the audience have not done their research. In my experience the audience has done its research. To make a ridiculous introduction and then post in on YouTube is even greater ass-folly.

In the second instance the band have someone on stage with yellow trousers and braces. I think he may be in the band because he is introduced. I am no expert on fashion but unless he is going to a fancy dress dressed as ein Chicken after the concert he is wearing the wrong clothes.

These things made me want to hate on the Wendy James Band, but I had to listen to their music. A nice ending to this story would be that I found the music made up for all the deficiency. But no. This is a tribute band to an earlier version of itself, and the earlier version was shit. This one is actually worse.

I listen to shit music because it is my job, so that you do not have to. This was so bad I now have to listen to Coldplay to clean my ears.

When they play in Leicester on 21st September I shall stay indoors at home and close my windows. I will draw the curtains. I will turn up my beautiful analogue sound system. There will be no risk of me hearing this nonsense by accident.